So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
