Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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