I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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