But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...