Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude