I'm passing your future prison.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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