I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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