Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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