Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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