I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i love accidental penises.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
