Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
