We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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