I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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