Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
