I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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