dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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