I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
