Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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