Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
