I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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