he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
