Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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