Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
