I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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