My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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