just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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