Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
