That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
