All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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