plz talk dirty to me
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
