Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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