Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
