nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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