o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
