i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
