I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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