Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
