it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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