You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
