OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
