So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
