woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So much Jack, so little girl.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
