So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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