i love accidental penises.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
