i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
