Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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