I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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