i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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