my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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