i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
