This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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