Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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