i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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