well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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