sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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