you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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