I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
